Wacken - 2009

Text: Tobias Nilsson Photo: Lunah Lauridsen

If there is only one band during your insignificant lifespan which you will see live from the first row, then by all the gods who may be listening in, make sure this band is Gwar!

What can I say about these rulers of the known universe, which haven’t already been said, and often by themselves? I don’t know, so I won’t even try. Let’s just recap the situation in which we were left the night that Gwar conquered Wacken...
They (who exactly?) often say that a picture is worth more than a thousand words, and as this report contains some 66 photos, or somewhere in that vicinity, I would have to write one heck of a long review to come out on top!

Gwar was the last band to play the Black Stage on this year’s edition of Wacken, and a wise choice it was to give them this position; for truly, who might have the power to outdo the carnage they let loose all over the unsuspecting audience?
After a shocking introduction where heads literally rolled, we were then witnesses to how the rule of our planet was lost to these obscene aliens via a wrestling tag-team match with Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton on one side and Oderus Urungus and one of his slaves on the other.
Not surprisingly, the 44th president and the lady were sent bleeding and mutilated of the stage, but Gwar’s rule would not go unchallenged for long. Soon after, other evil aliens invaded our little community and fought Urungus and his men(?) for the power. A harsh battle commenced, and went back and forth in waves; but even though the challenger’s powers seemed to strong, Gwar’s cunning (and cheap tricks) finally prevailed.
The stage was also visited by Gwar’s cute little pet dinosaur. Of course, the pet soon ran amok on a killing-spree, and had to be subdued by Urungus mighty swordsmanship.

As you may have noticed, this review has yet to make a single remark on the music itself. This, mainly, is because to yours truly, Gwar’s music doesn’t really do anything for me. On the other hand, it doesn’t have to. What makes this band so great is the show -> imagine a Muppet show on acid, on a date gone wrong with Stuart Gordon and Brian Yuzna. If you take this company to a dirty back-alley, let them tussle for a while, and then add some salt to patch up the wounds, Gwar is possibly what you would end up with. That, or some terminal disease, but honestly, who can tell the difference?

Anyway, I could not imagine a better way to let the festivities end, and as I went from the festival grounds for the last time this year, drenched in blood and slime, I felt fulfilled in every possible way.


Sleazy Intro
Battle Lust
The Salaminizer
Go To Hell!
Bring Back The Bomb
Let Us Slay
Crack In The Egg
A Short History Of The End Of The World (Part VII (The Final Chapter (abbr.)))
Crush, Kill, Destroy
Ham On The Bone
War Is All We Know
JCSS / Techno’s Song
U Ain’t Shit
Sick Of You

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