Beta, Copenhagen - 2012

Text: Tobias Nilsson Photo: Lunah Lauridsen

The Stockholm Syndrome – or how to work out with death itself...

Yes, fellow metal fitness folk, tonight our little Danish gym Beta was honoured by the presence of a group of highly experienced instructors from our esteemed neighbouring country, Sweden.
Entombed was their name, and sweating was their game!

First off, a light warm-up though. Remember, it is essential for any good work-out to be properly warmed up, and this is where the younger Danish instructors Essence stepped up to the plate.
Since I’m well aware that we all are more or less experienced gym-goers in here, I need not tell you that there are of course always some people who believe it isn’t necessary with the warm-up and chose to enter only some time after the head instructors have started their lesson, but for those of us who were on time, Essence gave a thrashingly entertaining warm-up session which lasted 30 some minutes.

After a quick refreshment, and you know how all important it is to keep your fluid level intact, it was time for Entombed to take our now warm and ready bodies and pummel them with some death defying training so that we can wear our spandex outfits with pride this summer!
The beginning of the lesson was marked by head loud-mouth trainer L.G. Petrov banging his head against a cymbal, as to call our attention with the sound of the gong like some old-time Shaolin monk, or judging from the physique, maybe more like a present day American pro-wrestler. Yes, you couldn’t necessarily tell from the looks of these fine, five men that they were the right ones to lead a fitness class, with the possible exception of Alex Hellid and Victor Brandt, but on the other hand, you could easily tell from our motley crew that we were in dire need of special assistance!

If ever you have attended some form of fitness, like spinning or aerobics, you will know that one of the most notable, and sometimes criticized, points of the training is the loud and pounding music. Without the criticising part, this was certainly present here as well, but contrary to your normal fitness centre, in here the shouting is not permissible only for the instructors – nay, here we all could, and did, have a go at it!
Since the bigger part of us was well warmed up, there were no other ways about it than to throw ourselves into the advanced program that Entombed had planned for us. I believe that the high-level moves took some people by surprise, and thus we saw a lot, and I mean a lot of people losing their balance and falling into each other, especially amongst those who were trying to be close to the instructors by placing themselves in the front and middle of the floor. Luckily, those who stood a little further back and to the sides (you know the ones, they who keep slightly out of sight and pretend to be active by constantly sipping to their sports drinks) obviously had better footing, and were not shy to nudge the others back to their places if they came too close.

There was no real respite to find, as the music and training was ever pummelling on.
Sweat was quickly dripping from the walls, as our necks, shoulders and backs, which were getting the most attention tonight, was tightly toned to perfection.
Some time was also spent on working out the important thigh and calf muscles as we were hurled around the room like some badly disliked ragdolls. As I mentioned before, our minor muscles in the throat and jaw were also looked at, but in my humble opinion it felt odd that the front muscles, especially stomach and chest, was completely overlooked. Also our arms only got the slightest attention, and this came mostly from trying to hold on to something stable while losing the balance from the intricate moves we were doing...
On the plus side though, the rock ‘n’ roll’ish rhythms, mixed up with the more speedy death beats, proved a potent component to tonight’s work out, where I found my favourite part was the cycling session which was opened with the fitting To Ride, Shoot Straight And Speak The Truth, a hard ride to be sure, but oh man, it felt good when the Damn Deal was Done a short time later.

With sweat dripping from, and reaching, places I didn’t even know I had, the Swedish instructors finally called it a night, but as with every good training I could feel that even though the body was all worked out, the mind was re-energized and ready for more!
It could easily be seen that Entombed was happy with this night’s exercise as well, as they were more than happy to stay on and talk to those of us with enough energy left to still be standing.
If you had it in you, Beta also offered up a light cool-down session in another room afterwards, lead by none other than Anders Bøtter, whom many of you may know as the instructor from the fitness show Sort Søndag which runs weakly on Danish radio P6. This was a nice way to sum up the training session for this time, and let me tell you, if you weren’t sore all over the day after, well, you must have visited the wrong gym!


Living Dead
Like This With The Devil
Serpent Speech
Out Of Hand
Just As Sad
Serpent Saints
I For An Eye
Supposed To Rot
To Ride, Shoot Straight And Speak The Truth
Stranger Aeons
Damn Deal Done
Left Hand Path
Chief Rebel Angel
Night Of The Vampire (Roky Erickson cover)
Say It In Slugs
Wolverine Blues

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